you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
