So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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