If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
