My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
