Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
