At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
