I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fuck appropriateness.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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