I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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