Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
