So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
