her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
