and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
