i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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