If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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