I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
