Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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