Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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