i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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