My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
