New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
