Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
