Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
