did you get engaged???
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
