He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
