This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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