So drunk its hurt
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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