turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
