garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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