I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Houston, we have a squirter
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
