Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
