Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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