Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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