The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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