I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
