I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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