Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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