we have pet lesbian snakes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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