I think i peed on brittanys purse
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
