My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
