So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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