I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
