Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
