Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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