erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
