they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
