If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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