Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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