my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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