Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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