i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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