we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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