You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
