At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
