If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
