I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
