I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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