Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
