Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
