why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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