Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(313): View more from Michigan

We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.

Fav 0 1360 994
share tweet
(903): View more from Texas

I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

Fav 8 1444 3363
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

Fav 8 4683 1342
share tweet
(949): View more from California

I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..

Fav 58 1579 5902
share tweet
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?

Fav 28 4460 2530
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.

Fav 1 3702 1303
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go

Fav 8 7288 1274
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(510): View more from California

Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?

Fav 6 1202 649
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(815): View more from Illinois

I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?

Fav 2 926 675
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT