I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??