HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?