she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires