Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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(212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years. http://tfl.nu/7axl

Replies (36) Good night (1990) Bad night (1036)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.

(601): View more from Mississippi

Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly

(901): View more from Tennessee

...are you coming on to me?

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(901): I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me. (601): Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly (901): ...are you coming on to me? http://tfl.nu/90vx

Replies (12) Good night (3433) Bad night (764)
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(719): View more from Colorado

Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.

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(719): Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear. http://tfl.nu/pswl

Replies (8) Good night (957) Bad night (3010)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.

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(616): Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning. http://tfl.nu/mwtc

Replies (22) Good night (4443) Bad night (1452)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...

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(704): so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie... http://tfl.nu/pw66

Replies (40) Good night (1336) Bad night (6031)
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(641): View more from Iowa

Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

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(641): Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that. http://tfl.nu/2jzp

Replies (27) Good night (8944) Bad night (3401)
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(845): View more from New York

my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie

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(845): my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie http://tfl.nu/7ez3

Replies (14) Good night (1962) Bad night (3932)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla

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(201): dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla http://tfl.nu/0yq4

Replies (13) Good night (4518) Bad night (1397)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?

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(336): I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/ctqb

Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (1190)
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(763): View more from Minnesota

pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.

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(763): pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/e4q8

Replies (4) Good night (535) Bad night (941)
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(708): View more from Illinois

You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.

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(708): You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice. http://tfl.nu/p63x

Replies (2) Good night (638) Bad night (339)
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(971): View more from Oregon

I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters

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(971): I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters http://tfl.nu/ncp4

Replies (1) Good night (753) Bad night (317)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.

(1-337): View more from Louisiana

How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.

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(337): Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM. (1-337): How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse. http://tfl.nu/m0tv

Replies (6) Good night (668) Bad night (427)
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(801): View more from Utah

I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.

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(801): I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future. http://tfl.nu/z13j

Replies (2) Good night (868) Bad night (269)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins

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(+44): I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins http://tfl.nu/rxpk

Replies (5) Good night (496) Bad night (302)

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