when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You took a bar mat shot.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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