hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
