you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
