Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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