Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dear god my vagina.
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