i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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