if only i could text you this smell
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
