I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
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I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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